Lately I’ve been struggling with my weaknesses, I have many. It seems like every time I open my mouth I’m offending someone to some degree and I’m easily hurt by the words and actions of others.
I get focused on all the ways I fail. I speak harshly to and accuse my husband. I scream in impatience and frustration at my kids. I criticize a friend. I blow up at a stranger. The list goes on and on. What is the matter with me!? I feel like Paul when he said “I don’t know what I’m doing, because I don’t do what I want to do. Instead, I do the thing that I hate.” Rom. 7:15
Today when I opened up my devotional and read that first line; “My grace is sufficient for you.” I breathed a huge sigh of relief! I closed my eyes and thanked God for his grace when I miss it, more than miss it, murder it. I opened the book back up and the next line grabbed my heart; “My strength is make perfect in weakness.” When I am weak, He is strong!
I’ve heard all of this before, but the Bible is the living word and it was fresh and new to me today, because it was exactly what I needed to hear! I get so caught up in my “protective behaviors” and my performance to please others that when I fail I fall really hard. I feel intense shame over all the ways I disappoint and am disappointed. It’s such a heavy weight to acknowledge my weaknesses. I realize today that I shouldn’t be so worried about getting people to like and accept me, but instead my focus should be on pointing people to the one who loves and accepts them.
I feel free today from performance and judgment of myself. Not that I now have a license to act any way that I want to. “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! ” Rom. 6:2,3 I want to live a new life and I’m on a journey to heal the wounds that cause me to react in angry/tough ways. But until he completes the good work in me. Phil 1:6 I’m going to try to extend myself the grace that He affords me. I’ll apologize and try to change my ways, but I will rest in the fact that even though I may be weak, He is strong for me and those who I offend. He is strong!