Released from Performance

ImageMy grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my  infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”   2 Cor. 12:9

Lately I’ve been struggling with my weaknesses, I have many.  It seems like every time I open my mouth I’m offending someone to some degree and I’m easily hurt by the words and actions of others.

I get focused on all the ways I fail.  I speak harshly to and accuse my husband. I scream in impatience and frustration at my kids. I criticize a friend.  I blow up at a stranger.  The list goes on and on.  What is the matter with me!?  I feel like Paul when he said “I don’t know what I’m doing, because I don’t do what I want to do. Instead, I do the thing that I hate.” Rom. 7:15  

Today when I opened up my devotional and read that first line; “My grace is sufficient for you.” I breathed a huge sigh of relief!  I closed my eyes and thanked God for his grace when I miss it, more than miss it, murder it.  I opened the book back up and the next line grabbed my heart; “My strength is make perfect in weakness.”  When I am weak, He is strong!

ImageI’ve heard all of this before, but the Bible is the living word and it was fresh and new to me today, because it was exactly what I needed to hear!  I get so caught up in my “protective behaviors” and my performance to please others that when I fail I fall really hard.  I feel intense shame over all the ways I disappoint and am disappointed.  It’s such a heavy weight to acknowledge my weaknesses.  I realize today that I shouldn’t be so worried about getting people to like and accept me,  but instead my focus should be on pointing people to the one who loves and accepts them.

I feel free today from performance and judgment of myself. Not that I now have a license to act any way that I want to.  “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! ” Rom. 6:2,3 I want to live a new life and I’m on a journey to heal the wounds that cause me to react in angry/tough ways.  But until he completes the good work in me. Phil 1:6 I’m going to try to extend myself the grace that He affords me.  I’ll apologize and try to change my ways, but I will rest in the fact that even though I may be weak, He is strong for me and those who I offend.  He is strong!

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