In Between All or Nothing Faith

ImageI tend to be an all or nothing thinker.  So I often find myself in the tension of having to accept that things aren’t always this way or that way.  Faith, for instance. I’m all in when it comes to belief in God.  Yet, understanding His ways leaves me perplexed. The Bible says His thoughts are not our thoughts.

ISAIAH 55:8-9

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

The way I think things should be are seldom the way that God thinks they should be.  So I struggle in my faith when many people are praying for a sick child and the child doesn’t get healed.  “Why God? Are you there?”  I ask.  It doesn’t make sense to me.  Yet, there are times that God whispers to me, “Yes, I am here.” When I’m not even asking.

For years I have tried to grow pumpkins. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but they get to the flowering point and then, no pumpkins ever come.  One day this summer my youngest daughter told me there was a watermelon growing in our bushes.  I asked her if she picked a watermelon from the garden “no” she said.  Later that day my other daughter asked if I knew there was a pumpkin in the bushes.  I asked her if anyone had picked a watermelon from the garden “no” she said “come see.” There in our hedge, on the opposite side of the yard as our garden was a green pumpkin!  I knew immediately that this was God whispering to me, “I’m here and I see your desires, even the smallest ones.”

I followed the vine to the pumpkin and it turned out that our new neighbors had planted a garden and the vine crawled through the fence and bloomed on our side of the fence. So, coincidence or gift from God?  I choose to thank God and hear Him saying “I see you, I love you” in the little things, even when He seems nowhere to be found, when I’m desperately crying out “where are you God!?”  My ways are not His ways and He knows all. Trust is what I’m forced to do when I just don’t understand.

How has God whispered to you “I’m here and I love you?”  Please share.