When I last wrote I was married. I’m now divorced. Life for me and my family has radically changed. The plan I had is broken. The future is full of uncertainty. I skipped blogging through the woes of heartbreak and brokenness of divorce. I return at the beginning of a new season: NOW.
What I’m hearing from God these days is NOW. Not past regrets, not plans for the future. I need to focus on the NOW. I can’t tell you how my mind and heart wander. I bring the stress of the last upset to the next situation until it snowballs into a miniature or major melt down.
When I find that I’m focusing on the regrets and pain or even the successes of the past or when I’m pulled into planning for or worrying about the future, God is whispering to me to ground myself in the moment.
The other aspect of NOW is that I often miss the forest for the trees. I’m in a season of mothering. I have 9 years left to raise my four children. Because my plan for my family failed and I am a black and white thinker, I want to scrap the old plan and move onto the new.
I do, believe it or not, have other goals besides being a mom (smile). So I tend to ask about my future, “God, how am I going to get from here to there?” is my question, while I miss the NOW.
So, welcome to my NOW. My NOW consists of raising a 9,10, 12 & 15 year old. It consists of me getting my scattered emotions under control. I work as a substitute teacher, my NOW is going to school everyday and loving the kids that God puts in my path. My NOW is navigating a new, long-distance relationship. My NOW is fitting into a new church. My NOW is being a good friend, daughter and sister to the wonderful women in my life. Mostly it’s only evaluating myself in the moment. How am I doing, right NOW. Not how did I do or how will I do? It’s not even so much about how I’m DOing…. it more about how am I BEing?
New season: NOW, welcome to the journey!